Sunday with Tunde

Hey, so you threw your heart right in

And it turned out less than perfect
A losing streak is starting in your mind
You let yourself believe the pain
Is never gonna be worth it

I've been in Malaysia for two weeks now and I'm missing all of my friends in Manila. I'm supposed to go back home on Saturday, Aug 2 but it looks like I'll be staying here one more week. I still need to finish a lot of things. Turn over documents to the new girl on the block. Train the new guy and hire and interview a couple of dozen more people for the job. So tiring. So lonely.

Missing Atche and her ramblings, stories, scams, mood swings and everything else in between. I know from reading her blog (http://iamsucculent.blogspot.com) that she misses me too. It's just different here with no close friends to share your life with.

Don't beat yourself up
Know that you were never wrong for wishful thinking
So you done lost the battle
Should we just cross out your name and let you sink

Missing Sepid and her funny moments. She seems to be coping a lot better now. I didn't know how strong she was until now. I'd like to share her story but I promised her I would not say anything. But for the readers out there who doesn't know her, just think betrayal.

I was looking at our pictures from way back when. During the time she was still with the company. It made me miss her even more. Being with her was one of the best moments I remember. Remember Singpore Sep? Hilarious!

I'm missing Reejoie too. We usually share stories about our frustrations about the company and how unfair it can be for some of us. I heard she's sick now. Probably her allergies are acting up again. (Get well soon, Badette!)

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

There a couple of good things that happened to me while I was here though. One, I got my new toy. For months and months we (Reejoie and I) have been thinking of what dSLR to buy. We were agreed that Nikon was still one of the best cameras but we can't decide which one to get, Nikon D60 or Nikon D80. I did an extensive research on both cams and while I think D80 is still the better cam, I ended up buying the D60, mainly because it was best for my budget. (Read: previous blog)

The other good thing was the cause of my sleepless nights, huge phone bill, welcomed distractions, and the reason I smile on idle moments. Not going to dwell on that for now. Let's just say I'm looking forward to be home. Honestly though, this scares the sh*t out of me. But I won't let my fear get in the way of my chance to be happy.

So, you had to let it go
It clearly wasn't working
A new love leaves you trembling
You hide behind the door
So unsure of what you used to know
So now you think you're every move ten steps ahead
And you are frozen
Caught inside yourself
You're drowning as the anger overflows

I haven't heard anything from Singapore Guy for quite some time now. Yes, we dated again just before I flew to Malaysia. I invited him out for a movie and we were suppose to meet again later that night. But for some reason, we didn't. Must be fate. Must be a sign telling me to give it up. How many more times do I have to see the door close for me to realize there's nothing or no one coming back? My messianic complex kicked it.

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The Messiah Complex is a state in which the individual believes themselves to be, or destined to become, the saviour of the particular field, a group, an event, a time period, or in an extreme scenario, the world. This could also be the state in which a group views an individual as a messiah, such as followers of a cult leader. The cult leader doesn't have to claim to be a messiah, but if he is treated as such by his followers, it can also be classified as such.

People with a messiah complex tend to see themselves as saviors to a specific group of people or a specific field, making claims of their own glory, or claiming a self-awareness of their own gift and how that gift can affect a group of people or a field of life.

In the most extreme cases, people with a messiah complex may see themselves as spiritual/religious messiahs with transcendent powers who are destined to save the world.

(Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messianic_complex)

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Nothing extreme as such saving the world. Just one person. Who likes playing.

He seems like a player. Acts like a player. Can be a player. Maybe he IS a player. But one thing is for certain, I gave this guy the power to hurt me. And I'm taking that power back.

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

So...

I've got two more weeks here and I'm doing ok spening my Sunday with Tunde. But I miss spending it with Nat. Black and White in Good Earth. And loving every second of it!

(Shout out to Vicky who introduced Tunde to me, who sounds like Seal and whose songs cuts deep like a knife. Lyirics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/tunde_lyrics_3177/tunde_lyrics_10338/great_romantic_lyrics_119536.html)